i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
babies were throwing up all over the place
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
