Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
