We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
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Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
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The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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