he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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