just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
