i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
