I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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