just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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