your thong is hanging out like whoa
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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