i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize