I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
