u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
