coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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