I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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