I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
