you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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