yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
