I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
