I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
