singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
