i think i have two assholes
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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