Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize