I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
