i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
