What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
