oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
