get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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