Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
