Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
