so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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