Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
