this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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