thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
