So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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