Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
