Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
