girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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