I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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