Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
