Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
