Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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