I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
