There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
