How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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