Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
