Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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