i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
