did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
