I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
