I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
