i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
