just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
