if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
