I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
