why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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