also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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