He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
