the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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