I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
