My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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