My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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