What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
