Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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