his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
