I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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