sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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