I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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