Pants 0. Shit 1.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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