Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
