Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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