we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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