Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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