Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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