just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
