I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
