Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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