Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
