i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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