3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
