I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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