My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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