how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
